Round 1 Who is El Santoshi?
Look, mi chavo… for twenty years El Santoshi fought in the village arenas of México. Then one day the bank froze his account, with all his luchador lana inside. "For security reasons, sir."
That same night, in a taquería, a kid explained him Bitcoin on a napkin. He understand two things: nobody is going to freeze his lana never again, and "Satoshi" sounds very much like "Santo". ¡Órale! El Santoshi was born.
He left the ring to fight the most rudo enemy of all: the bancos. Nobody has seen his face. He says it is because he is a luchador. The fans say it is because he is Satoshi Nakamoto. He never confirms, he never denies.
"The bank is the rudo. I am the técnico."
Round 2 The cast
Every great luchador needs great rudos. These are his.
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Rudo
El Banquero
Suit, tie, very fake smile. He represents all the bancos. He freezes your account "for security reasons" and then charges you for the freezing.
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Rudas
Las Comisiones
Invisible luchadoras. You never see them get in the ring, but every transfer, ¡pum!, a little bit of your lana is gone.
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Ruda
Doña Inflación
She makes the tacos cost more every week. Same taco, same salsa, more pesos. No manches, Doña.
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Técnico
El Sobrino Crypto
The kid from the taquería who explained Bitcoin on a napkin. He shows up sometimes to correct his tío. His tío does not listen.
Round 3 Free lessons
Free like the salsa at the taquería. Each one ends with something real.
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1
Your money pays rent to sleep
Look, mi chavo: yesterday I go to the bank and they tell me my account has a "maintenance fee". Maintenance of what? My money is just sleeping there! I don't charge my pillow for sleeping on it.
Takeaway: check what your money pays to sleep: read your statement and find every fee.
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2
Not your keys, not your máscara
A luchador never gives his máscara to nobody. Not to the referee, not to the promoter, not to the guy who says "trust me, I keep it safe for you". If someone else holds the máscara, it is their máscara.
Takeaway: if someone else holds the keys to your crypto, they control it, not you.
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3
The rug pull in a nice shirt
A compa sends me a message: "Santoshi, new coin, 1000% guaranteed, only today". Guaranteed? Even my mamá's tamales are not guaranteed, and she makes them for forty years. ¡Ándale, block!
Takeaway: if it sounds too good to be true, it's a rug pull in a nice shirt.
Round 4 Gallery
Follow me, banda. ¡Viva la financial freedom!